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...OR How to Develop a Good Rapport with Your Inner Critic
In my last post, I shared with you my experience with my adorable Gremlin and personal inner critic, my George and challenged you to pay attention to your own inner critic and place him, under strict supervision.
During the week, I received quite a few emails, filled with your insights and realizations and many of you seemed quite amazed to realize that your Gremlin, is actually with you all the time, judging, blaming or finding fault in what you say or do. And most of the time, he does so, from an unidentified point of authority, making you believe, you are unable to manage or control him, in any way.
And if you think, you only felt that way, because you are just starting to get, this whole Gremlin concept, let me tell you a little bit about my week.
I know quite a few tricks, that are really effective, when it comes to quieting my inner critic and most days, I keep my Gremlin, in check. Once in a while, though, he still manages to creep in. Like this week.
During the week, I received quite a few emails, filled with your insights and realizations and many of you seemed quite amazed to realize that your Gremlin, is actually with you all the time, judging, blaming or finding fault in what you say or do. And most of the time, he does so, from an unidentified point of authority, making you believe, you are unable to manage or control him, in any way.
And if you think, you only felt that way, because you are just starting to get, this whole Gremlin concept, let me tell you a little bit about my week.
I know quite a few tricks, that are really effective, when it comes to quieting my inner critic and most days, I keep my Gremlin, in check. Once in a while, though, he still manages to creep in. Like this week.
Did you notice, my last blog post, had less FB likes than the one before? Well, neither did I. Till a couple of days ago and that was all George needed. The doubts, the judgement, the shame, the whole circus. I literally let him run a steamroller right over me, even thought I knew exactly what I needed to do, in order to stop him.
He was whispering a million different things, that actually seemed quite legit at the time, like:
See? No one cares what you have to say...
Why are you wasting so much effort on this site?
You need to engage your readers, you are not a writer, you can't do this.
Stop wasting so much effort on this blog.
There are so many people out there that are so much better than you at this.
Besides, everything worth doing in self development, is already done. Why bother? Just stick to what you know.
I indulged in this self sabotaging process and even lost some of my positivity sparkle on the way. And when my hubby, asked if there was something bothering me, I knew my inner critic was out of control and I had to do something to stop him. You see, even though we can't control when or where our Gremlin will show up, we sure are in charge of how we respond to it.
And so, I gave George a long, mental hug and explained to him why this blog is so important to me and how numbers have nothing to do with it. After that, I simply took each and every one of his statements and challenged him to justify them. And that's when I realized, George was not there, any more. Because George, doesn't have any answers and hates engaging himself in constructive conversations.
But, enough about me.
Here are my 5 secret weapons for beating my Gremlin to submission.
Personify Your Gremlin. Without thinking too much about it, draw a picture of your Gremlin in your head. Get creative, have fun with it! Visualize what he or she looks like, what their voice sounds like and give your Gremlin a funny name, to take the edge off. This will bring awareness to the fact that you are not your Gremlin. You have no association with it. It is separate from you.
Listen to Your Gremlin. Believe it or not, your Gremlin is well-intentioned. He wants you to be comfortable, well within the boundaries of your comfort zone, safe from shame or criticism. Actually his sole role, is to protect you. The problem is, he doesn't know when to stop. But that doesn't mean everything he says is irrational. So listen to him. Ask yourself if there is any truth to what he says and if there isn't do not spend another minute thinking about it but if there is, learn from it and work your way around it.
Challenge Your Gremlin. When he comes to you with a negative statement, come back with a question. Do not let his statement become your belief. If he says "You will never be successful" reply with something like "Help me understand what makes you say that?". Feel free to question your inner critic and his motives. Write a dialogue. Ask positive questions. When he says "You cannot afford this" comeback with "Ok, so how can I afford this? Help me find a solution".
Be Attentive. Whenever a though comes to you, verify if it is actually you talking or your Gremlin. If it is your Gremlin, write down his arguments or objections and you will soon understand how silly and most of the time, completely irrational they are. You can also notice when your Gremlin usually appears. Is it when you are at a certain emotional state? Or maybe when you are tired or bored. What triggers your Gremlin? When you start understanding his patterns of behavior it will be much easier to control him.
Practice Self Compassion. Give yourself permission to fail. Allow yourself to make mistakes. You do not have to be perfect. With every failure we gain knowledge, we learn what does not work and move froward in order to find what does. A baby doesn't stop walking because he fell down a few times. He gets back up and keeps on going. Some of the most successful people in the world hold impressive portfolios of failures, failures that led them to incredible breakthroughs.
Over the years, these 5 tips have saved me a lot of time spend in self-inflicted pain. Now, I only find myslef spending a few seconds in resentment mode before I remember that this is MY life and I get to live it, any way I choose. I, not George.
Do you have any tip for keeping your Gremlin under control?
Let me know in the comment section below.
He was whispering a million different things, that actually seemed quite legit at the time, like:
See? No one cares what you have to say...
Why are you wasting so much effort on this site?
You need to engage your readers, you are not a writer, you can't do this.
Stop wasting so much effort on this blog.
There are so many people out there that are so much better than you at this.
Besides, everything worth doing in self development, is already done. Why bother? Just stick to what you know.
I indulged in this self sabotaging process and even lost some of my positivity sparkle on the way. And when my hubby, asked if there was something bothering me, I knew my inner critic was out of control and I had to do something to stop him. You see, even though we can't control when or where our Gremlin will show up, we sure are in charge of how we respond to it.
And so, I gave George a long, mental hug and explained to him why this blog is so important to me and how numbers have nothing to do with it. After that, I simply took each and every one of his statements and challenged him to justify them. And that's when I realized, George was not there, any more. Because George, doesn't have any answers and hates engaging himself in constructive conversations.
But, enough about me.
Here are my 5 secret weapons for beating my Gremlin to submission.
Personify Your Gremlin. Without thinking too much about it, draw a picture of your Gremlin in your head. Get creative, have fun with it! Visualize what he or she looks like, what their voice sounds like and give your Gremlin a funny name, to take the edge off. This will bring awareness to the fact that you are not your Gremlin. You have no association with it. It is separate from you.
Listen to Your Gremlin. Believe it or not, your Gremlin is well-intentioned. He wants you to be comfortable, well within the boundaries of your comfort zone, safe from shame or criticism. Actually his sole role, is to protect you. The problem is, he doesn't know when to stop. But that doesn't mean everything he says is irrational. So listen to him. Ask yourself if there is any truth to what he says and if there isn't do not spend another minute thinking about it but if there is, learn from it and work your way around it.
Challenge Your Gremlin. When he comes to you with a negative statement, come back with a question. Do not let his statement become your belief. If he says "You will never be successful" reply with something like "Help me understand what makes you say that?". Feel free to question your inner critic and his motives. Write a dialogue. Ask positive questions. When he says "You cannot afford this" comeback with "Ok, so how can I afford this? Help me find a solution".
Be Attentive. Whenever a though comes to you, verify if it is actually you talking or your Gremlin. If it is your Gremlin, write down his arguments or objections and you will soon understand how silly and most of the time, completely irrational they are. You can also notice when your Gremlin usually appears. Is it when you are at a certain emotional state? Or maybe when you are tired or bored. What triggers your Gremlin? When you start understanding his patterns of behavior it will be much easier to control him.
Practice Self Compassion. Give yourself permission to fail. Allow yourself to make mistakes. You do not have to be perfect. With every failure we gain knowledge, we learn what does not work and move froward in order to find what does. A baby doesn't stop walking because he fell down a few times. He gets back up and keeps on going. Some of the most successful people in the world hold impressive portfolios of failures, failures that led them to incredible breakthroughs.
Over the years, these 5 tips have saved me a lot of time spend in self-inflicted pain. Now, I only find myslef spending a few seconds in resentment mode before I remember that this is MY life and I get to live it, any way I choose. I, not George.
Do you have any tip for keeping your Gremlin under control?
Let me know in the comment section below.
If you have a question you’d like me to personally answer, email me at [email protected]
If you enjoyed this post, share it! Facebook it, Tweet it, Digg it or email it to friends.
If you enjoyed this post, share it! Facebook it, Tweet it, Digg it or email it to friends.
About Me
Hi, I'm Nichole, and I am a personal motivator and coach, passionate about reigniting the spark in people both in life and business. My specialty? Getting people to ACT by breaking anything down, into to the next action!
I work with passion driven women to help them set their priorities straight and and thrive in life and business, on their own terms.
Connect with me on Facebook or email me at [email protected]
Hi, I'm Nichole, and I am a personal motivator and coach, passionate about reigniting the spark in people both in life and business. My specialty? Getting people to ACT by breaking anything down, into to the next action!
I work with passion driven women to help them set their priorities straight and and thrive in life and business, on their own terms.
Connect with me on Facebook or email me at [email protected]
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