TakeTen COACHING | BE INSPIRED FOR LIFE
  • Welcome
  • About
  • Work with me
  • Free Resources
  • Blog
  • Positive Quotes
  • Contact

Overcoming the Fear of Failure | How I Rejected the Illusions of Fear and you can too

5/17/2013

15 Comments

 

...OR Escaping the Land of the Perfect

Before I grew up to become the now infamous Ex-Mayor of ProcrastinationVille, I lived in the Land of the Perfect. A thriving community of overachievers, led by the collective fear of failure.  

For any proud member of the Land of the Perfect, failure is an impossible prospect and surely not part of the parcel of greatness. 

Naturally, I too became a, slightly neurotic, go-getter, from a really young age. I was excelling in everything I was involved in, or at least that's how it seemed to the untrained eye (evil laugh!). To me, everything was about winning and second place was definitely, not my cup of tea. So, whenever something wasn't working out the way I wanted it too, I simply called it quits, but not before making an extravagant statement of how boring and uninteresting it was to me and how now I would be taking on a new hobby or class or activity, or whatever; that would actually be worthy of my time and talents. True Story.

Of course, deep inside I already knew, that there was nothing wrong with the task at hand, I was just not copying well with not being perfect, so, I was frantically escaping the supreme nightmare of failure.

It wasn't too long that my inability to embrace my failures, brought home another friend. 

The fear of failure itself.
 
Some failure in life is inevitable. It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all — in which case, you fail by default.    J.K. Rowling
So, now I found myself resenting the very idea of trying new things, in the fear of not being able to excel at them, in my first attempt. 

What if I am not doing the right thing? 
What if I try and fail?
What if it doesn't work out?
What if I am exposed as the fraud
 I am?

The fear of failure, was now so dominant, it actually blocked my path to personal success and by the time I was 30, it  had become a major handicap for me. 

I found myself prisoner of brutal working schedules just to make sure I made no mistakes; in my world, errors were to be avoided at any cost, I was programmed in the language of success: excellence, high quality, continuous improvement. There was absolutely, no room, for failure.

And then came baby.

That was it. That was the first time in my life that I realized I had to stop placing unrealistic demands on myself and finally accept the inevitability of making mistakes. I just had to. Period. 

I couldn't fake my way into being a perfect mom and it sure was not one of the roles, I could let someone else play for me.  This was a life time commitment during which I would undoubtedly fail, at some point or another. Beating myself up over criticism was no longer an option. 

I had to stop forcing myself to live in a lie and escape the Land of the Perfect ASAP, before I destroyed my own peace of mind, along with the ones of my hubby and son. 

So, after a near-mental-breakdown, I somehow magically liberated myself from the fear of failure and here is how:

I realised that failing at something, does not make me a failure.
There is actually no such thing as a failure, after all. There is only feedback.
Feedback I can use as my stepping stone for further development.


Sure, I still find myself a bit scared, every time I try to puss myself to the limits of my abilities and endurance. And to be honest, I don't think that ever changes. But now I know, that letting the illusions of fear stop me from testing the boundaries of possibility will cause me to miss on a chance to grow further and I will not let that happen.

People do not fail. People stop trying.

Is the fear of failure stopping you from testing your boundaries? Let me know in the comment section below. 

If you have a question you’d like me to personally answer, email me at [email protected]
If you enjoyed this post, share it! Facebook it, Tweet it, Digg it or email it to friends. Share the Love.

Other Posts You might Like:
3 Life Hacks my son taught me about living life to the fullest. 
Gremlin You, Gremlin Me and our First Weekly Challenge, Part I
Gremlin You, Gremlin Me Part II | Beating Your Inner Critic to Submission

Picture
About the Author

Nichole, is a Life Change Architect and a Motivational Speaker, Coaching, Writing and Running Workshops about Personal Growth and Positive Change. 

Connect with Nichole on Facebook or email her at [email protected]


Did you like, what you just read? 
Join our mailing list, to receive our weekly email, directly at your inbox!


Sign up for our free newsletter
15 Comments
Daddy Monkey
5/19/2013 06:34:55 am

Hello again Nichole!
Very nice post this week, again!
Fear for anything is a slowing down factor of living your life.
I wonder how I could try more new things without thinking of failure?
And who can say what is failure and what is not?

Reply
nichole link
5/23/2013 10:10:47 pm

Thank you Daddy Monkey.
There is no such thing as failure. We need to overcome the very idea of it. Everything happens for a reason, find that reason and move on.
xoxo
nichole

Reply
Alie
5/20/2013 05:14:54 am

The fear of failure is shaking my world to the ground as we speak. To me, there is always someone better, more talented or deserving than me and that's keeping me stuck. But I did like you las phrase. People do not fail they quit and I will not quit this time.
thanks for the inspiration Nichole.

Reply
nichole link
5/23/2013 10:12:38 pm

Now, that's the spirit my sweet Alie.
I have faith in you and so should you.
Much Love,
nichole

Reply
El.
5/20/2013 04:09:09 pm

Hi Nichole! I feel so Nice to be back, and with such beautiful topping! –it brings to memory the “BUT’S” article-

“People do not fail. People stop trying”

So true… and I’d like to add that “failure never determines people. Capable people don’t mind the outcome of a battle.” They enjoy the battle itself. Without fear and without any expectations.

However, the pathetic ones are those who never try. Like they don’t care to try for what they want. I’ve met quite a few people like that, and I really can’t understand their vision of life. –any ideas?-

So, have the courage and Try, Try, Try! Feel free to face a bad outcome…and strong enough to start over! No one on this earth is Perfect, so why should you?

Have a great weekend! XOXO

Reply
nichole link
5/23/2013 10:17:41 pm

Welcome back El.,
It sure feels great to have you with us again.

The way I see it, people living under the influence of fear, day in day out, have no time to create a vision for their life.

They are preoccupied with fighting no existing demons and wasting their imagination away.

Have a beautiful weekend.

xoxo

Reply
Cassey
5/20/2013 07:25:02 pm

I admire your honesty Nichole and I too believe that self doubt cannot be miraculously dissolved. We just need to move forward no matter what. Just do it, to put it in the terms of Nike's notorious campaign.

Reply
nichole link
5/23/2013 10:19:37 pm

Hello Cassey,

Now, that's the spirit. Just do it. Do not worry about all the things that could go wrong. Enjoy the ride and push your life forward, one day at a time.

Much Love

Reply
Rhonda
5/20/2013 10:28:08 pm

I am so, so happy I found your blog and I can totally relate to this post. Keep on keeping on Nichole.

Reply
nichole
5/23/2013 10:24:32 pm

Welcome Rhonda!
Hope you enjoy this page as much as the rest of us.
xoxo
nichole

Reply
Paula
5/21/2013 02:00:54 am

For me criticism by the people I care about and respect is my number one paralysing fear.

Reply
Becky
5/21/2013 04:58:26 am

When that creeping feeling of failure appears I often reming myself what you just said. Τhere are no failures only lessons to learn and grow from. Thank you for reminding me Νichole.

Reply
Laura
5/21/2013 04:52:39 pm

I often feel that nervousness in the pit of my stomach, thinking i will not make it but in most cases i push forward anyway. I can be funny like that. lol

Reply
yiannis m
5/26/2013 11:12:01 pm

Great article Nichole and a life-time issue for all of us.

Many times the fear of failure has to do with the fact that we do not focus at the end (the thing we desire to have or accomplish) but at the means (how we will get our desires accomplished). So we stop trying or we do not even bother to try.

However the experiences of the so-called failures when trying something in the beginning becomes actually the doorway to learn from a failure/undesirable condition and eventually get our dreams/ends accomplished. Eventually, failures give rise to our true self, what actually we will to be in this life.

yiannis m

Reply
ioanna link
3/8/2014 03:07:51 am

But there should be some times that it should be ok to quit,right? I mean, some things do hurt you or your first choice wasnt that good after all? Why do we fear quiting? Why do we always connect it to failure?

Reply



Leave a Reply.

    Subscribe to our awesome mailing list

    Picture
    ...and get a FREE  snapshot of “where you're at” in life, today. 

    Blog Categories

    Business Strategies Blog Posts
    Life Strategies Blog Posts
    Life Coaching Blog

    Most Popular

    RSS Feed

    TOXIC FRIENDS. HOW TO SPOT AND DEAL WITH THEM 

    DARE TO DREAM BIGGER THAN BIG

    THE IMPORTANCE OF SETTING PERSONAL PRIORITIES

    TACKLE YOUR PROCRASTINATION IN 5 EASY STEPS

    REDUCE DAILY STRESS WITH SMALL ACTS OF SELF CARE

    7 EASY STEPS TO A HAPPY LIFE

    OVERCOMING THE FEAR OF FAILURE 

     
Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.