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My Not-So-Secret, Secret To Getting What You Want... Ask For It!

9/29/2014

12 Comments

 

Not getting what you want, sucks. 
You know it and I know it. It makes you feel rejected, disappointed or even crushed, depending on the importance of the request. 

Oh, wait. 
Did I just say request? 
Yes, I did. 

You see, keeping your expectations of others to yourself, makes it almost impossible for them to live up to them. It builds up tension and sooner or later you find yourself blaming them for the way you feel and you unconsciously poison the relationship.

How to ask for what you want.

Learn how to ask for what you want, because keeping your expectations of others to yourself, makes it almost impossible for them to live up to them.

During my coaching practice I have found that women, in particular, often seem to believe that asking directly for the things they want is inappropriate, rude or even unecessary and so they constantly suppress their needs {or dare I say... -desires?}, until they reach their breaking point.

Of course the fact that we live in a world in which a man who is bold and asks for what he wants is considered a go getter, whereas a woman who uses similar tactics is often called the dreaded B word, doesn't help either. 

But, there comes a time in a one's life when hoping is no longer adequate and we must begin to ask for what we want. Even if that means getting a No for an answer. After all, we miss of the shots we don't take, right? 

So, lets see how you can authentically ask for what you need, instead of making subtle hints, hoping others will read your mind, shall we?

1. Know Exactly What You Want.  Whether it's that long deserved raise, or a hug from your significant other, it is important to know exactly what it is that you want. When you do finally get around to the asking, be specific. Make sure you are clear, concise and directly to the point. Stuttering, stammering, hemming and hawing, these are all huge no-nos.  

2. Ask The Right Person For What You Want.  All of the forceful asking in the world means nothing if it is not properly focused. When thinking about exactly what it is that you want, it is important to also figure out exactly who it is you should be asking. By pinpointing the person who is able to deliver what you need, saves you valuable time and energy.

3. Choose The Time And Place.  This is one of the most underrated elements to making a successful request. Asking a person for something while they are busy, stressed out or not in a position to take you seriously will severely diminish your success rate. Once you've been able to decide on who needs to be asked, it is just as important to figure out when and where they should be asked.

4. Make Your Request Simple.  There is no need to get bogged down in too many details or try to over explain yourself. Get right down to brass tacks and be direct. This request is all about you, not what the person has or hasn't done for you in the past. This is all about you owning your feelings, acknowledging your needs and being willing to deal with the consequences of your request. 

5. Prepare Yourself For A Negative Response.  In a perfect world, a well thought out, reasonable request would lead to you getting what you requested. Unfortunately, we do not live in a perfect world, so be sure that you are ready to hear the word "no". This is not a negative commentary on you as a person, and should not diminish your desire to continue asking for what you want. Besides...
Sometimes not getting what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck. --Dalai Lama[tweet this]
So, what do YOU really want? What do you need to claim, today?
Is it raising your rates?  Asking that special someone on a date? Requesting a favour from a friend? Asking your boss for a raise? Whatever it is, you should go for it — never be afraid to ask for what you want!
life coaching greece

But what if I don't know what I want? 
I'm glad you asked! 

If you are stuck in the thinking loop, not knowing exactly what it is that you want and need someone to hold your hand & unravel the knots in your brain and help you become clear, focused and on your way, I have just the thing for you.
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I've opened up my calendar to offer a limited number of 60 Shades of Clarity Sessions through October. So if the time is perfect for you to learn what specific, actionable steps you can take, to untangle the tightest knot in your life or business, in just one call, click here to book your session, with me and get from stressed to action, in 60 minutes or less! 
GET CLARITY NOW!

life coach athens greece
About Me

Hi, I'm Nichole, and I am a personal motivator and coach, passionate about reigniting the spark in people both in life and business. My specialty? Getting people to ACT by breaking anything down, into to the next action!

I work with passion driven women to help them set their priorities straight and and thrive in life and business, on their own terms.

Connect with me on Facebook or email me at [email protected]

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12 Comments
Liane link
10/7/2014 04:34:24 am

I had to come back and comment! So... after reading this article I decided to send an email to my entire email list ASKING everyone to work with me. Up until this point, I have been providing tons of free stuff and sprinkling hints to my 1:1 consulting sessions throughout with very little success. 1 hr after sending out, 2 people have booked a session (big for me!). So simple, yet over-looked. ASK!

Reply
nichole link
10/7/2014 06:20:17 pm

Yay, GO Liane!
Just goes to show that anything is possible, when you ask. Most of us are terrified of rejection so much we hardly think about what would happen if we actually got what we wanted.
Thanks for sharing your experience Liane.

Reply
Anne Omland link
10/8/2014 04:42:54 am

Great article! I completely agree with your perspective- I'm often working with clients on asking for what they want. Thanks for sharing your advice!

Reply
Nichole link
10/9/2014 06:28:05 pm

Thank you Anne.
Its weird how we were not taught to ask for the thing we want in a clear, direct, non-violent way. I work with my clients on different techniques they can use to make asking for what they want a easy and when they do, its like a whole new world has opened up for them!

Reply
Beth K. Bedbury
10/10/2014 03:08:01 am

Timing is often everything. Ask at the wrong time and it seems like neither person gets what they want.

Reply
nichole link
10/10/2014 08:32:11 pm

Isn't that so Beth? And yet we often purposely ask for what we want when we KNOW the time is off, when the other person is angry, or busy, or tired or simply not in the mood. Smells like self-sabotage if you ask me.

Reply
Hannah Ransom link
10/10/2014 03:40:13 am

This is sooo important and something I have definitely had to learn over the years!

Reply
nichole
10/29/2014 01:09:54 pm

Definitely, Hannah. It's wonderful that you have already been learning to ask for what you want. Amazing things happen when you ask.

Reply
Silvia link
10/11/2014 01:48:39 am

So helpful. I stink at asking others for what I want. (working on the worthiness of that).

But even more important, sometimes I forget to ask my inner guidance for what I want too. And it delivers through other people!

Reply
nichole
10/29/2014 01:16:32 pm

Thank you Silvia. I'm glad that this was helpful for you. People are always happy to give! You don't need to be afraid in asking for what you want.

Reply
sam link
10/11/2014 09:07:22 am

What a great article!
It's absolutely true, if you can't ask for what you want then you can't expect to get it, it's so important to own your own needs and be in charge of getting them met! xx

Reply
nichole
10/29/2014 01:19:21 pm

Thank you Sam! Yes, you'll never know the amazing responses you'll receive.

Reply



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