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Not getting what you want, sucks.
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Learn how to ask for what you want, because keeping your expectations of others to yourself, makes it almost impossible for them to live up to them.
During my coaching practice I have found that women, in particular, often seem to believe that asking directly for the things they want is inappropriate, rude or even unecessary and so they constantly suppress their needs {or dare I say... -desires?}, until they reach their breaking point.
Of course the fact that we live in a world in which a man who is bold and asks for what he wants is considered a go getter, whereas a woman who uses similar tactics is often called the dreaded B word, doesn't help either.
But, there comes a time in a one's life when hoping is no longer adequate and we must begin to ask for what we want. Even if that means getting a No for an answer. After all, we miss of the shots we don't take, right?
Of course the fact that we live in a world in which a man who is bold and asks for what he wants is considered a go getter, whereas a woman who uses similar tactics is often called the dreaded B word, doesn't help either.
But, there comes a time in a one's life when hoping is no longer adequate and we must begin to ask for what we want. Even if that means getting a No for an answer. After all, we miss of the shots we don't take, right?
So, lets see how you can authentically ask for what you need, instead of making subtle hints, hoping others will read your mind, shall we?
1. Know Exactly What You Want. Whether it's that long deserved raise, or a hug from your significant other, it is important to know exactly what it is that you want. When you do finally get around to the asking, be specific. Make sure you are clear, concise and directly to the point. Stuttering, stammering, hemming and hawing, these are all huge no-nos.
2. Ask The Right Person For What You Want. All of the forceful asking in the world means nothing if it is not properly focused. When thinking about exactly what it is that you want, it is important to also figure out exactly who it is you should be asking. By pinpointing the person who is able to deliver what you need, saves you valuable time and energy.
3. Choose The Time And Place. This is one of the most underrated elements to making a successful request. Asking a person for something while they are busy, stressed out or not in a position to take you seriously will severely diminish your success rate. Once you've been able to decide on who needs to be asked, it is just as important to figure out when and where they should be asked.
4. Make Your Request Simple. There is no need to get bogged down in too many details or try to over explain yourself. Get right down to brass tacks and be direct. This request is all about you, not what the person has or hasn't done for you in the past. This is all about you owning your feelings, acknowledging your needs and being willing to deal with the consequences of your request.
5. Prepare Yourself For A Negative Response. In a perfect world, a well thought out, reasonable request would lead to you getting what you requested. Unfortunately, we do not live in a perfect world, so be sure that you are ready to hear the word "no". This is not a negative commentary on you as a person, and should not diminish your desire to continue asking for what you want. Besides...
2. Ask The Right Person For What You Want. All of the forceful asking in the world means nothing if it is not properly focused. When thinking about exactly what it is that you want, it is important to also figure out exactly who it is you should be asking. By pinpointing the person who is able to deliver what you need, saves you valuable time and energy.
3. Choose The Time And Place. This is one of the most underrated elements to making a successful request. Asking a person for something while they are busy, stressed out or not in a position to take you seriously will severely diminish your success rate. Once you've been able to decide on who needs to be asked, it is just as important to figure out when and where they should be asked.
4. Make Your Request Simple. There is no need to get bogged down in too many details or try to over explain yourself. Get right down to brass tacks and be direct. This request is all about you, not what the person has or hasn't done for you in the past. This is all about you owning your feelings, acknowledging your needs and being willing to deal with the consequences of your request.
5. Prepare Yourself For A Negative Response. In a perfect world, a well thought out, reasonable request would lead to you getting what you requested. Unfortunately, we do not live in a perfect world, so be sure that you are ready to hear the word "no". This is not a negative commentary on you as a person, and should not diminish your desire to continue asking for what you want. Besides...
Sometimes not getting what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck. --Dalai Lama[tweet this]
So, what do YOU really want? What do you need to claim, today?
Is it raising your rates? Asking that special someone on a date? Requesting a favour from a friend? Asking your boss for a raise? Whatever it is, you should go for it — never be afraid to ask for what you want!
Is it raising your rates? Asking that special someone on a date? Requesting a favour from a friend? Asking your boss for a raise? Whatever it is, you should go for it — never be afraid to ask for what you want!
But what if I don't know what I want?
I'm glad you asked!
If you are stuck in the thinking loop, not knowing exactly what it is that you want and need someone to hold your hand & unravel the knots in your brain and help you become clear, focused and on your way, I have just the thing for you.
I'm glad you asked!
If you are stuck in the thinking loop, not knowing exactly what it is that you want and need someone to hold your hand & unravel the knots in your brain and help you become clear, focused and on your way, I have just the thing for you.
I've opened up my calendar to offer a limited number of 60 Shades of Clarity Sessions through October. So if the time is perfect for you to learn what specific, actionable steps you can take, to untangle the tightest knot in your life or business, in just one call, click here to book your session, with me and get from stressed to action, in 60 minutes or less!
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About Me
Hi, I'm Nichole, and I am a personal motivator and coach, passionate about reigniting the spark in people both in life and business. My specialty? Getting people to ACT by breaking anything down, into to the next action! I work with passion driven women to help them set their priorities straight and and thrive in life and business, on their own terms. Connect with me on Facebook or email me at [email protected] |
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